0 comments Saturday, April 27, 2013

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1 comments Monday, May 3, 2010

The big sloppy is back from his winter hibernation. As some of you may know senór sloppy has retired his title after acquiring not so gainful, yet legal, employment.

One the eve of opening the summer house, the tri state area was graced with a fabulous day. The slopp decided that venturing out to jersey would be the perfect way to enjoy it.

The down side to such exquisite weather is that everyone in this freakin city decided to shake the cobwebs off as well. Which brings us to my latest rant.

I really hate these weekend rail rats. People on the subway over the weekend really lack the subtle nuances of a seasoned rush hour commuter.

Being raised in the city and seeing no need for a car I have used the subway as my primary means of transportation for years. The same cannot be said for the fools meandering around 34th st between Herald sq and Penn station

Walking down the upstairs, 10 minutes to find then swipe a metrocard at the turnstile. People standing right on the door as it opens, impeding the departing passengers from making a timely exit. Dive bombing their way to the center seat on the L shaped seating configuration trains with total disregard for those around them.

It’s ridiculous! I can juggle an iced coffee the newspaper an overnight bag and still open my wallet extract and swipe my metrocard without breaking stride but these New York newbie’s can't swipe the card error free in 10 attempts. I saw a small pack of euro trash huddled around a turnstile game planning there transit route. Mind you this is midtown on an 85 degree Saturday. They created a bigger traffic jam then when Kristi swerved off the road after finding out Dave Barton popped the question before tom.

Don't get me wrong I'm all for tourists coming to America and dropping off all the monopoly money they have in their pockets while they wait for the volcanic ash to clear. But we need New York resident express lanes. There's nothing worse than watching a dozen Asian tourists rubbernecking Macy’s window displays as you make the trek to Penn station.

To top it off the Mexican family to my left is still playing paddy cake and singing in Spanish not to mention the random letting out of a high pitch douche chill causing scream for attention, which makes me regret drinking last night.

Has anyone ever wondered what the worst sentence you can hear on the train is? Well I’ll tell you. Its " Mommy I gotttaaa goo peee peee" well this continued on for 5 minutes until It was causing me to contemplate a murder suicide.

Then the mother decided to have him piss in a bottle right there. Oo problem solved u think, NO! He proceeded to sing a song about peeing in a Snapple bottle until I departed the train.

I don't have a clever end to this blog and the summer is just warming up. Many more weekend adventures to come.



Stay tuned

2 comments Monday, August 10, 2009

Just a little something for your train rides to work boys and girls


Distrocious (dis-tro sh es)
adj.
1. Arousing disgust; offensive.
§ You should have seen Dave leaving the bar last night he was distrocious.
2. Exceptionally bad; abominable
§ I cant beleive how distrocious the bathroom gets after a few hours.

So I wake up around 11 am, everyone in my house has adult responsibilities so I call a friend from Monsignor Farrell that was out the night before. We plan to meet at the beach, I pack a cooler (Shawn’s cooler by the way, which was new when he brought it to the house, it is now well worn with 5 or 6 solid beach outing under its belt) and I hit the beach. Mind u I'm the only one drinking, I'm burnt and bored by 1230 so I start pounding Captain Morgan’s out of a Poland spring bottle (bad idea #1). The guys I'm with decide that it’s finally time to start drinking so we go to tiki bar, fresh squeezed oj an vodka's very good but not for like 13 each. So I go home drop my stuff off and go to the subway next to dunken donuts to wait for them and to try to grab some food.

They pull up I leave my phone on the table! I'm trashed I don't even realize i dont have a phone for 2 hours. My mom calls the kid I'm with because the guy that finds my phone calls the number that says "my house". Georgette is so familiar with my drunk antics that this doesn’t even faze her, she thinks on her feet and decides that the best move would be to give her my last few incoming phone numbers! (Those of you who have gone on vacation with mean understand how dangerous that move is) So now we are at tiki, she calls rob who doesn't know my mom, he hands me the phone. IM SMASHED! Everything gets hazing from there, next thing I know I'm stubbing around the boardwalk looking for a cab(bad idea #2), I’ve ditched the kids I came with cause I remember my friend from college is coming down. I later find out that just as I was leaving the bartender was warning the bouncers that he was about to cut me off for the rest of the night, I have no idea what would make him want to do that, also i dont know what he thought i would be so combative that he needed backup. :)

I get my phone from the guy who found it, I toss him some cash, and I’m somehow even more wasted then before mind u... I stumble home to find my friend lying on his trunk with a 30 case getting ripped. My phone was dead for hours so he thought I was also lol. Turns out he was outside for like an hour and a half I'm gonna attach his text messages 2 me(it is really 4 msg’s spaced apart but I didn’t turn my phone on until 9:04)

Anthony Monaco (9:04 PM):
I know..I got it! U decided to play a game called invite ur friend down to jersey and then hide in the bushes! Why didnt I think of that before ..
Anthony Monaco (9:04 PM):
Maybe... Ur inside with all the lights off.. And ur gonna pop out at the right moment to scare the shit outta me when I least expect it.
Anthony Monaco (9:04 PM):
Actually..im thinkin ur either passed out at the beach on top of ur cooler..OR passed out at the bar ..u lucky bastard.
Anthony Monaco (9:04 PM):
How does a bk brawler make his way out here anyhow? I didnt see any trains lol

I cant even speak at this point I walk in the house and we do shots!(bad idea #3) of Bacardi Coco because he forgot that I’ve kicked my Bacardi addiction and have switched to spiced run instead. This is when I stumbled on the greatest vocabulary word I've ever babbled in all my drunken days "Distrocious"

Now we are pounding beers like an open bar is about to close. I have 8 voicemails 10 txt MSG's all from different people, I delete every voicemail and still have no idea what they said or who they were from. We go to the bar it’s a very local crowd so at least I don't have to play wingman for this poor kid who came to jersey to get wasted and laid cause no chance I could stand. I plop in the corner with like 2 or 3 $1 draft beers an pound them. I now have drunken myself sober + u can toss a splitting headache from 11 hours of drinking in the mix. The kid I left at tiki is blowing up my phone, I assume because he is also fearful that I'm in a ditch somewhere on the jersey turnpike. We switched bars and ended up having mad fun and came back to the house ALIVE the fact that I remember as much of that night as I do is amazing

Score as of Sunday August 9th
The Big sloppy 7
Jersey Shore 2

Alcohol consumed to date:
3,675 mL of Capt. + countless shots and beers

2 comments Monday, April 6, 2009



So after swearing I wouldn’t go out last night then agreeing to go for a drink or two, and waking up with a pint glass in my bed. I decided that it might be time to really consider what it is that I do when I go out. I should begin this by saying I’m by far the most guilty of these offences and I’m sure there are many many more. Feel free to add any you can think of in the comments below.

Top 10 things we have to STOP doing at the bar

  • Argue with your girlfriend
    You could have a valid reason why you’re arguing with your girlfriend, but everyone around you will only see it one way. And if you're with other couples at the bar, you’ve now cranked up the discomfort by creating an awkward atmosphere for everyone by engaging in this thing, don’t do it in public
  • Bumping into me
    First you’re spilling your drink ... but thanks for that, now I can lie about why I keep falling over.
  • Dancing and singing to the music
    Although you think you’re cutting up some rug, all you are really doing is dancing with your arms overhead and wiggling while yelling "Woo-Hoo!” Is this the sexiest dance move around? In reality you are entertainment for the bartenders and ensuring the fact that you’re no longer apart of the human race, just fucking stop
  • Dancing and singing to the music
    Although you think you’re cutting up some rug, all you are really doing is dancing with your arms overhead and wiggling while yelling "Woo-Hoo!” Is this the sexiest dance move around? In reality you are entertainment for the bartenders and ensuring the fact that you’re no longer apart of the human race, just fucking stop
  • Sucking fingers
    ...
  • We get it, it is St Patty's day thanks for the reminder
  • Anything involving Shawn when he looks at you like that
  • Colleting Mardi Gras beads
    It is the classic "I’m too drunk to give a shit” look, and guess what? Even in New Orleans it’s not that cool why would it be in bay ridge.
  • Sleeping in the bar
    Although it had been a rite of passage for generations I be believe we have taken the bar nap to a new level, it might be time to tone it down.
  • No pants parties/pants off dance off
    I know it’s hard and god knows we have all done it but we need to fight the urge to strip down and stay naked when we walk into Canteena, it’s just weird
  • Black out stories from the night before
    Regale us with tales of how wasted we got last night, guess who else has gotten totally smashed before? Everyone. You're boring and you smell like the floor. Shut up

0 comments Sunday, April 5, 2009

Jose Cuervo Is the Girl's New Best Friend

Researchers Javier Morales, Luis Miguel Apátiga, and Víctor Manuel Castaño from the National Autonomous University of Mexico got sick of day drinking and decided to do some work and have released a report that will have far reaching consequences. To quickly summarize the report, they apply heat to the tequila which has a unique proportion of carbon, hydrogen and oxygen atoms necessary to form diamonds. These synthetic diamond crystals are way too small to be used as jewelry but the researchers are optimistic when forming the crystals into a film it will have wide commercial applications. According to Wikipedia production for synthetic diamonds is nothing new but is limited to a few thousand carats where the total natural diamonds is around 120 million carats. Using tequila as a precursor to the production of diamond crystals is a new cheap alternative that is slated to be at large scale production by 2011. they are currently building venture capital and looking for a distillery to handle there need.

The down side is that like with the use of corn as a substitute for petroleum, I believe this will destroy the low end tequila business.

Since 2002, sales of high priced tequilas, called "ultra-premium" and "super-premium" by marketers, have increased 28 percent. That is an average growth rate of 8.6 percent per year, as reported by the Distilled Spirits Council of the United States. Sales exceeded expectations by reaching well over 10 million cases as shown in the 2007 report by IWSR based on Adams Liquor Handbook

The blue agave takes 8 years to be produced, the market will not be able to withstand another large surge in demand. The result 3 drunken asshole Mexicans are going to make taking cheap shots and Canteena margaritas a thing of the past.

Interesting side note:

Mescal is actually a spirit produced from one of two types of agave but is not produced in the same region of Mexico, Jalisco, so regulations dictate that it cannot be referred to as tequila. So now we know the origin of the name of the little margarita joint down the block from my house.


More information:

"Growth of Diamond Films from Tequila"

BBC News article